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Honey, I’m hooooome. It’s been a hot minute huh? I’ve written 100 iterations of this newsletter but felt too self-conscious to hit send. Someone accidentally told me that I was a mediocre writer a few months ago and it’s been hard to let that criticism go. I have pretty thicc skin but this critique hit different because I don’t entirely disagree with them. Compared to the thousands of writers out there sharing profound/funny/brazen/witty content I am mediocre! Not in a pity-party way, but in a “she’s just starting out maybe one day she’ll get there” kinda way. Anyway, I read this Instagram post the other day that said comparison kills creativity and it really resonated with me so I’m putting my insecurities to bed for now — goodnight sweeties. 

TLDR; I’m no longer taking myself (or this newsletter) so seriously, which means that I might actually stick to a weekly schedule. I’ve always strived for perfection, but my 2021 goal is to lean into my inadequacy. I’ll never be the prettiest/smartest/most interesting person in the room and there’s no point in trying that hard. 

So much has changed since we last spoke in September. I’ve gone freelance which means taking rando gigs and working at odd hours of the night. Unemployment was a humbling (and horrid) experience for me. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop or whatever the fuck the saying is. While I miss the steady income that came with a 9-5 I’ve really grown to enjoy the freedom that comes with being an ontropranoor. You can now find me writing about the best men’s razors, learning how to use illustrator, sampling different CBD brands, and attempting to monetize every hour of my existence. 

Jingle Jangle

I feel like my mom would want me to let all of you know that we DO NOT celebrate Christmas. I do, however, spend every December devouring Christmas movies in holiday pajamas like an adult-baby. Below I present to you the best to worst holiday movies I’ve seen this month. 

  1. Midnight at the Magnolia: Netflix delivered again with the white hijinx! Nothing like a best friends-turned-lovers plotline to get the waterworks going. 

  2. Christmas Switch 2: Shockingly not as horrible as the first one? The fact that I even turned this movie on is alarming but I didn’t hate it. 

  3. Operation Christmas Drop: Military propaganda… just no… 

  4. Christmas Catch: She should have ended up with her coworker. “He’s like a brother” is a line I’ll never understand. 

  5. A Cinderella Story Christmas Wish: There was no reason to continue this franchise after Chad Michael Murray graced us with his beautiful presence. We forgave the Selena Gomez and Lucy Hale spin-offs (and we ignored the Sofia Carson remake). But this 5th holiday iteration? You’re better off watching Greg Sulkin in Michelle Randolph’s Instagram stories if you want a good holiday romance.

Awesome Movies with Bad RT Scores

A Nice Girl like You: This movie deserved more than the 11% it got on rotten tomatoes. A great movie for Muslim girls (prudes) everywhere. The plotline was both endearing and funny. 

Charlies Angels: 52% are you kidding me? This was a BLAST to watch. Now that I deeply respect Kristen Stewart I will watch anything she stars in. 

Like a Boss: Tiffany Haddish is so much funnier than 22%... I actually laughed out loud the entire time! If you want me to cite another source @aishazaman laughed too. 

She Reads

I’ve really been enjoying murder mysteries as of lately. Try reading Someone We Know, The Couple Next Door, The Last House Guest, or Then She Was Gone if you want to feel something... All of these books were far more entertaining than HBO’s cheap thrill The Undoing. 

She Listens to Music

I’ve been ruining my DJ cred as of lately because every time I’m in a group of people I start playing 3OH!3’s discography. 

La Fin

I had two mental breakdowns this week. I prefer these disposable face masks to cotton masks. Yoox has a really good sale going on right now. I’m trying to reduce my screentime by using black and white mode. This newsletter is so freaking funny if you’re looking to expand your substack palette. I accidentally cut my hair too short again. This article made me lol. I’ve decided to delete my dating apps as they are a waste of time. 

Amazon Affiliate links were used because I’m poor.