a complete 180
You guys!!!!! I moved to New York!!!! Which is funny considering my last newsletter centered around how much I loved Houston. Everything has changed since then and it’s a real bummer I didn’t journal about it regularly. So let me try and recap: went on a 2 week trip to NY → it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be → felt genuine excitement for the first time in years → met someone I thought was “the one” (lol)→ decided I wanted to girlboss again → signed a lease with strangers I found on Facebook → got ghosted → moved to Manhattan myself with 2.5 suitcases and a dream.
The entire thing has been an emotional rollercoaster and tbh I am struggling. I was so excited about the idea of becoming a “new person” but what does that even mean? One doesn’t reinvent themself overnight solely because they have a new zip code. Even when it comes to things as basic as clothing… what the hell am I supposed to wear here? Am I supposed to be edgy? Stick to neutrals? I didn’t pack anything and now I am overwhelmed by the sheer amount of choice. That stupid quote comes to mind: in a world where you can be anything, be yourself. But what if I don’t know who I am anymore. So much of who I was hinged on my surroundings — it’s not like individuality was encouraged in the suburbs. There was always the risk that someone was talking shit about you in a group chat.. calling you weird.. criticizing your outfits.. forwarding your IG story.
I know it has only been six days (and I need to extend myself more grace) but moving has been a lot harder than I anticipated. Every morning I wake up in a panic — I can’t believe I did this! I miss my family a lot. I’m proud of myself but I’m also terrified that I made the wrong choice. What if I’m not cut out for this city and all this talk of potential was more delusion than anything else?